Valentine’s Day can be very special. Temptingly chocolates, fragrant flowers, a delicious breakfast in bed, can all give you that wonderful inner glow that comes from knowing that you are very special to your partner. But once the comforting afterglow has faded, and ‘real life’ rudely interrupts again, sometimes it can seem as though your dream relationship isn’t quite happening. Is that magical relationship just an elusive Hollywood dream, or can you truly have the real thing?
Barriers to developing a deep relationship.
Deepak Chopra calls this deep and close relationship a ‘miraculous’ relationship’, but in fact there is little miraculous about it. Any meaningful relationship takes very hard work – it never just ‘happens’. There are some key principles which, if you apply them determinedly, can make a huge difference. In his recent article, Chopra outlines three obstacles to developing a close relationship and paying close attention to these three areas can pay huge dividends.
It’s not about control
The need for control can be a very powerful factor in a relationship. For most of us, it is usually quite subtle. We have all been there, haven’t we? In Julie’s case it was the dishwasher. Once she had loaded it, her partner always came in and rearranged the dirty dishes the ‘right’ way, leaving Julie grinding her teeth in frustration! In your home it’s probably something else, but when one person feels their way is the ‘correct’, they are trying, consciously or unconsciously, to take control. Often it’s because of a deep-seated insecurity or urge to protect their partner, but it can feel stifling.
Winner takes all?
In relationships, winner does not take all. In fact, a determination to have your own way can be a cancer eating away at the heart of your love, and even if you appear to be winning by getting your own way frequently, in the end you will lose. Joy became hugely frustrated by her partner’s determination to control the TV remote, trying to explain that even if he ‘won’ and watched what he wanted, his refusal to consider her feelings was causing long-term damage to the relationship.
Talk is not cheap
Good communication is worth its weight in gold in a relationship. The key to every close relationship is quality communication that is often built up, step by step, over a long period of time. The ability to listen to your partner without feeling threatened, to explain your own feelings clearly, and then to take action together, can make or break a relationship. Problems such as control or competition can be tackled decisively by clear and loving discussion.
Can you really have your dream relationship?
By investing time and energy into reflecting on your relationship, and dealing with problems within a loving and nourishing context, there is no doubt that your dream relationship is entirely possible. Of course, there are no guarantees, and no relationship is perfect, but a wonderful fulfilling partnership could be within your grasp.
Lots of hugs