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Expat Divorce Support – How to Get Help | The Naked Divorce
Expat Divorce Support - Naked Divorce - Adele Theron

Expat divorce support

How to get the help you need after your breakup

Sometimes it takes a breakup to make you realise how strong your friendships really are – especially if you’re far from home.

A few weeks ago, I got a call from a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a while – let’s call her Emma. Emma’s been living abroad with her partner for a couple of years now, and over time our Skype calls had got fewer and farther between, until we pretty much fell out of touch. So much so, in fact, that I was (pleasantly) surprised to hear from her at all.

When I answered, she was in an absolute state. It turned out that she and her boyfriend had broken up weeks before, things had turned seriously ugly, and she was at breaking point.

“Oh my God!” I said. “Why didn’t you call me before?”

“Oh my God!” I said. “Why didn’t you call me before?”

“We hadn’t spoken in so long, I didn’t feel I could just ring out of the blue and dump all this on you, but I don’t know who else to call,” she said.

Biggest expat problems in a nutshell

This, in a nutshell, is one of the biggest problems you face when we’re living overseas and the sh*t hits the fan.

In the excitement of moving abroad, it’s easy to get swept up in your new life and start neglecting friendships from home. If you’re not careful, you get to the point where you only call them when things go wrong… and end up feeling terrible about it.

Because here’s the thing: while it’s incredibly important to have a support network in-country to lean on during and after your divorce, friends you’ve only known for a few months will probably be quicker to drop you than friends you’ve had for years and years – especially if these are friends you’ve made jointly with or through your partner.

True friends

The expat divorce shows you who your true friends are.

Here’s what happened to Emma: she’d been living whirlwind life in a cool city with a buzzing nightlife. She and her partner had made a bunch of fun friends that they hung out with every weekend. As a freelancer, she’d met a lot of these new friends through her partner’s work, while the remainder were couples and others she saw jointly with her partner.

Then, they broke up – a decision she initiated, and which he didn’t take well. Almost overnight, her friendship group dried up. People avoided her out of embarrassment. She’d expected to lose friends she knew solely through his work, but she was unprepared for how quickly the others abandoned her, too.

“It’s easy to get swept up in your new life and start neglecting friendships from home”

The thing was, when it came down to it, none of these people knew her all that well. Her relationships were mostly superficial. Plus, since she was the one “in the wrong” – as in, she’d ended it, ultimately –  it was easier for them to side with her partner. She’d never felt so alone.

At this point, you may be nodding away and saying, uh-huh.

Perhaps you’re taken aback by how fickle your supposed expat friends have been. Perhaps you’re hurt by how quickly the couples you know sided with your now-ex. Perhaps you’re a ‘trailing spouse’, someone who moved abroad for their partner’s job but can’t work themselves, limiting your social circle to (mostly) those you’ve met through your other half.

Whatever your circumstances, going through an expat divorce may have highlighted for you how much you need an emotional support network – and, perhaps, how weak your own one has become.

 

Expat Relationship Satisfaction - Naked Divorce
Relationship satisfaction levels across the world (click to view more)

 

Rekindling bonds from home

If you’ve been guilty of letting old friendships slide while you’re away, the sudden shock of loneliness hits hard when you’re suddenly in need of a shoulder to cry on. Wallowing in this, though, will only make things worse.

You need to reach out, now, to the people you care about, even if you’re worried you’ve been a bad friend lately. You simply can’t get through this without support, and if they really care about you, your friends back home won’t hold a grudge over your lack of contact.

Pick up the phone

Pick up the phone. Have a good old cry. Talk through your problems and fears. We’re lucky enough to live in an age where you can call a friend 10,000 miles away for three hours without it costing you a penny, so take advantage of how small the world has become.

At the same time, if you want to rebuild and strengthen those old bonds, you need to make sure you don’t only call people when you need something. Make sure you speak to someone you care about (and who cares about you) every day, but for the love of God – and for your own sanity – don’t just talk about yourself.

You need good friends

You need good friends, but you also need to be a good friend back. Chat about what’s going on in their lives, help out with their problems, get excited about the good stuff happening to them. Doing so won’t just help you to get the closeness back, it will also shake you out of the navel-gazing despair of your divorce, shifting your focus to something and someone other than your own problems.

I can’t overstate how much of an emotional release it will give you to stop obsessing for an hour or two, especially if you reach out to that witty friend who always manages to make you laugh, no matter how bleak things look.

“You need good friends, but you also need to be a good friend back.”

You need these friends and family from home. They will ground you, help you to find your way back to who you are when the trauma of an expat divorce has you questioning your whole identity.

… And, of course, if getting divorced means you also have to move back home, you’re going to need those people waiting for you with hugs, sympathy and support as soon as you get off the plane.

A shoulder to cry on

While it’s all very well having your besties on speed dial half the world away, you do also need a support network in-country to cope with an expat divorce.

There are two parts to this: emotional support and practical support.

 

Expat Divorce Support - Mixed Culture - Naked-Divorce
Mixed culture relationship and barriers (click to view more)

 

Let’s start with emotional support

Right now, you need meaningful stuff in your life to stop you spiralling, especially if you don’t have a job and colleagues you love to help keep you together.

If you’ve just realised, to your horror, that you don’t have friends of your own (i.e. ones that you don’t share with your partner) you’re going to have to make the effort now. Follow your interests on this one: maybe join a sports team, a book club, a theatre group, or an art class. Go to an open mic night. Volunteer with an NGO. Do whatever you can to give you back a sense of pride in who you are and what you can offer, while introducing you to like-minded people that you can go for a coffee with – and, crucially, have no connection to your ex.

Make an effort with these fledgeling friends. Organise drinks and dinners. Be proactive. You don’t want to distract yourself to the point that you ignore the real issues you need to deal with, but it won’t do you any good to curl up under a duvet and feel sorry for yourself for months on end, either.

The practical side

Then there’s the practical side. All divorces are messy, and the expat divorce is no different. In fact, it’s usually even messier and more complicated than breaking up at home, exacerbated by the fact that you’re navigating an unfamiliar legal system as well as your own.

Seek out professional help and advice as soon as you can. Talk to divorce lawyers and immigration experts at the earliest opportunity to make sure you have all the facts you need when it comes to your rights, your visa status, child custody issues, and so on.

“Of all the friends you need on your side right now, the most important one is you.”

As much as you need a support network that allows you to vent, you also need to a support network that knows exactly what problems are around the corner and what you need to do to protect yourself. While it’s frightening to face up to the stress and bureaucracy involved in an expat divorce, keeping yourself in the dark and letting things get worse is much, much scarier in the long run.

Don’t be a bully

Oh – and remember, of all the friends you need on your side right now, the most important one is you.

You won’t fix this or heal from this by hating and blaming yourself, or torturing yourself over how you could have stopped things reaching to this point. Take care of yourself, physically and mentally. Treat your feelings with the kindness and gentleness that you would if it you were dealing with your best friend in the same situation. The best support network in the world can only be strong if you are, too.

 

This other article on my sister website Naked Recovery Online
may be of interest to you…

Trailing Spouse Depression - Naked-Recovery-Online - Adele Theron
Click on the image to view a related article on Naked Recovery Online.

 

Are you going through an expat divorce and struggling to get the support you need?

You don’t have to go it alone.

Click here to book a Clarity Call with our team today.

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23 comments

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  10. Love spell from dr.Unity brought my husband back”contact Unityspelltemple@gmail.com to help you get your Ex lover back urgently after breakup/divorce”
    After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he could come back to me, I was really worried and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity is real spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your ex lover back or save your marriage fast. Do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster Dr.Unity now. Here’s his contact: Call/WhatsApp him: +2348071622464 ,Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , Website:https://unityspellstemple.blogspot.com ,Your kindness will never be forgotten.

  11. few weeks ago i read a posted comment online blog which saved my marriage from divorce, truly information is powerful. i was having good intention to share with you about my personal life experience in my marriage affair. My husband divorced me last 2 years, he move out to meet another woman, i cried every night whenever i remember my daughter ask me when will daddy be coming back home for dinner tonight! i love my him so much and we have a baby girl of 6 years old. i contact so many spell caster last year none was able to bring back my husband, they all demanded for lots of money from me, i gave up on love spell until last week, i went to visit my friend at home, I told my friend everything that happen to me and I share my heart pain to my friend Michelle, she also adviced me to contact communication with same Spell Caster Dr.oduduwa, i read about him online blog comment, who has a Spelling magic power to bring back love husband home. My husband was under an evil spell from another woman that claim they dated back in high college school, she convinced my husband to divorce me. My husband Anders came back home to me just yesterday crying that he was sorry for divorce me, he regretted and said he was not on his right senses. that is true my husband was under an evil spell from another woman because she claim that my husband dated her before getting married to me. Dr.Oduduwa help me solve my marriage problem. tonight I and my husband with our daughter have dinner together in grand moms house. i am very happy and use this medium to appreciate Oduduwa love spell powers.
    Dr.Oduduwa assured me he can handle such problems;
    – Light candles Love spell to Bring back ex-husband/ ex-wife
    – Honey Spell to Stop Cheating and Stop Lying in a relationship
    – Peace Love Spelling prayers to Get back Trust in your relationship- Spell prayer powers if you want to give birth to your own baby- White magic spell to Stop Divorce/ Seperation Spell. – red-candle sticks spelling prayers to get paid back lost money. – Good-luck spell charm to attract love and trust into relationship. – spell prayers to get quick job promotion at work office.- Examination success good-lucky Spell. – Financial business success breakthrough spelling prayers. Love Spell to Attract attention and respect,
    – Traditional roots and herbs to healing Blood Cancer diseases, cure to high blood pressure and other body pains. ever since my communication with Dr.Oduduwa he seems to be like a father to me. i appreciate his advice and words of wisdom which saw me through.
    I sincerely recommend Dr.Oduduwa Love spell caster, if you having similar marriage relationship problems send email message to communicate with Dr.Oduduwa for a quick urgent solution to bring back your lost love relationship: (dr.oduduwaspellcaster@ gmail. com)
    WhatsApp No.: +2348135842629

  12. How I Got My Ex Husband Back………..

    I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR.His WhatsApp Number:+2347054263874.

  13. LOVE SPELL CASTER (DR. GBOJIE) THAT HELPED ME BRING BACK MY DIVORCE HUSBAND CONTACT HIM NOW FOR ANY KIND OF HELP

    With so much in my heart i am here to express myself on how Dr. GBOJIE saved my marriage from divorce. Myself and my husband were having some misunderstanding and it was tearing our marriage apart to the extend my husband was seeking for a divorce. So i have no option than to go to the internet to seek for solution to my problem it was there i came across Dr. GBOJIE details and about how he has helped a lot of people by restoring there relationship. I contact Dr.GBOJIE and in less than 48 hours my husband cancelled the divorce papers. Now myself and my husband live together in peace and harmony all thanks to Dr.GBOJIE for saving my marriage from breaking up. Dr. GBOJIE contact information are via email: gbojiespiritualtemple@yahoo.com , gbojiespiritualtemple@gmail.com or call his phone number or WhatsApp: +2349066410185 .or check out his website :http://gbojiespiritualtemple.website2.me

  14. URGENT AND EFFECTIVE LOVE SPELL CASTER TO HELP YOU GET BACK YOUR EX LOVER VERY FAST 2018 Contact LORD OJOKA
    http://drojokaspelltemple.website2.me/love-spell WhatsApp @ +2348144172934

    I am jessica roma from (ALABAMA), When I eventually found testimonies about this spell caster LORD OJOKA , how he helped many people to get their lovers and broken homes back, i contacted him too,because I was absolutely desperate to get my lover back. Life without my lover was a real mess for me and my kids. i wanted a dramatic change and I thought love spell could be the solution. After discussing the resolution with LORD OJOKA, he gave me hope that he will restore my relationship. I felt confident that he will actually make my lover to return home and he did! It’s fantastic what this great spell caster have done for me, his help is priceless! I don’t know what I would have done without LORD OJOKA, He does his job so well he is organized and highly functional, i believe he is the best spell caster i can count on when it comes to all kinds of spell, I am so happy that my lover return back home. If you need help, contact him right now through these details below:

    Email: dr.ojokaspelltemple@gmail.com
    WhatsApp @ +2348144172934
    Website: http://drojokaspelltemple.website2.me/love-spell

  15. A real love spell caster to help you bring back your EX LOVER urgent 2019,contact Unityspelltemple@gmail.com is the best spell caster online and his result is 100% guarantee.My boyfriend broke up with me after a minor fight and didn’t speak to me for 3 months. At the end of 3 months I found out he is dating someone else. I want him to leave that relationship and come back to me. so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 11hours later, my boyfriend really called me and told me that he miss me so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me . Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity is real spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your ex lover back or save your marriage fast. Do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster Dr.Unity now. Here’s his contact: Call/WhatsApp him: +2348071622464 ,Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , Website:https://unityspellstemple.blogspot.com ,Your kindness will never be forgotten.

  16. HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK WITHOUT PANIC
    I am Saba from San Francisco. i want to testify about powerful Dr PATRICK for saving my relationship.I must be one of the few who don’t have a trouble showing and telling someone how grateful I am for making my relationship a melodious and smooth relationship. I have been trying to be more positive about my relationship with my boyfriend, it seems like it has taken forever. Another lady took my Fiancee away from me and they both relocated. i cried and searched for him to come back but he refused to take my calls nor return my messages. My friend introduced me to a powerful spell caster called Dr PATRICK who helped me cast a very powerful love spell that brought back my Fiancee in 24 hours. i was amazed and surprised when my fiancee called to beg me for forgiveness all because of the powerful love spell of Dr PATRICK. dont fail to Contact Dr PATRICK through the following means if you have any Marrital or Relationship problem. his contact information are

    Email: drpatrickspellcaster@gmail.com

    Mobile Number: +1 662 493 2087

    website: https://drpatrickspellcast.blogspot.com

  17. This is a new year of new blessings and testimonies. My testimony here is for you to get help with the help of PRIEST ODUNGA in getting your lost loved one back and reignite the spark in your relationship. EMAIL: odungaspelltemple@gmail.com OR WhatsApp and call him at +2348167159012 to get your ex back and give testimonies of his marvelous work he also did for you to help others in need of help. Visit: https://exbackto.blogspot.com/2018/11/never-miss-your-ex-get-him-back.html
    My name is Violet Dexter from Michigan, USA. No one would understand how painful it is unless having lost a loved one or had just gone through a breakup. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me on Christmas day by cheating. I caught him after he has been a denying lover of it for many months but he did not budge. He took it well and this was hurting after dating him for 3 years. I came online searching for help and contacted Priest Odunga to help me. I payed for the items he used to cast the spell and David came back to me telling me how he was sorry for what he did and I found out he had been with this girl for over 5 years before he met me. I was devastated to have been deceived for so long. I declined him and talked with PRIEST ODUNGA again and he told me he cast the spell for me to make David be with only me and no one else. I couldn’t sleep that night because of his consistent calls. New Year’s Eve, David proposed to me and I was engaged. I AM THE HAPPIEST WOMAN ON EARTH FOR COMING IN CONTACT WITH PRIEST ODUNGA. Contact the Great Priest Odunga for your instant help. EMAIL: odungaspelltemple@gmail.com I HAVE FULFILLED MY PROMISE

  18. I want to use this opportunity I have to say a big thanks to Dr Great for getting back my ex husband. I’m Linda Gibson from USA, after 7 years of marriage my husband left me for another woman I did whatever I could to get him back but all I did was in vain I was sad, but I didn’t lose hope of getting him back because I had faith in God. So I search online on how to get my husband back, and I came across a post of Dr Great of how he helped a lady to get back her ex, I contacted him and told him the pain I was going through, he told me what to do and I did it, then he casted a love spell for me 48 hours later my husband called me and told me he is sorry for what he did and that he misses me very much, later that day he came back home and beg for my forgiveness, since then our love grew stronger. For the marvelous things Dr Great has done for me it would be unfair for me not to let the whole world know that such a powerful spell caster do live. If you want to get back your ex fast email Dr Great at infinitylovespell@gmail.com or infinitylovespell@yahoo.com or add him up on WhatsApp +2348118829899 Blog: lindagibson90.blogspot.com

  19. THE MOST RELIABLE SPELL CASTER THAT CAN HELP YOU GET BACK YOUR LOST LOVE BACK WITHIN 24HRS(DRPATRICKSPELLCASTER@GMAIL.COM)

    Thank you for your miracle Dr Patrick This article is dedicated to the Dr
    Patrick. I have been married with my wife for 6 years and recently she broke up with me and it hurt me deeply when she told me to leave her alone and that she does not love me anymore when i was always faithful and honest to her. I tried all the ways to get her back buying her what she wants like i always did and she still left me heart broken and she even has a new boyfriend which destroyed me even more until a friend of mine from high school directed me to this genuine spell Dr called Patrick. This man changed my life completely. I followed everything he told me to do and my wife came back begging for me back. I was stunned everything happened exactly like he told me. I had faith in everything he told me and everything was true. Also he was there every moment until i got my happiness back and he also provides spells that cures impotence, bareness, diseases such as HIV/AID, Herpes, Cancer E.T.C. You can contact him via email at { drpatrickspellcaster@gmail.com }. my page http://evarick45.blogspot .com or this page https://drpatrickspellcast.blogspot.com He will help you in anything you need and quick to answer once you contact him through his whats-app number:+1 (662) 493 2087.

  20. get your Ex lover back urgently after breakup/divorce”
    After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he could come back to me, I was really worried and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 11hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity is real spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your ex lover back or save your marriage fast. Do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster Dr.Unity now. Here’s his contact: Call/WhatsApp him: +2348071622464 ,Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , Website:https://unityspellstemple.blogspot.com ,Your kindness will never be forgotten.

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