Your divorce: Are you an Eeyore or a Tigger?
I remember my first Pooh bear book when I was a kid. I loved it to death and pawed at the pages on a daily basis. I was so in love with the characters that when it came time to find ways to earn money for my school as a debutante, I even wrote and directed a play which starred almost my whole school when I was 16. Those were the days…
If you have never read A.A. Milne’s classic tales of a bear and friends – allow me to enlighten you.
Tigger is the overly excitable, wildly bouncy tiger who is always bouncing around the enchanted forest. His attempts at spreading sheer joy to all those around him is infectious – even if he bowls everyone over like a bull in a china shop. He spread joy and gave energy to everyone. His most endearing quality (other than his cute listhp) was his knack of referring to himself in the 3rd person. Classic lines from tales of Pooh included:
- …because “bouncin’ that’s what Tiggers do!”)
- Woohoo hooo hooo hooo hooo!?
- TTFF – Ta ta For Now
- And then there was his little song:
The wonderful thing about Tiggers Is Tiggers are wonderful things Their tops are made out of rubber Their bottoms are made out of springs They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN! But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers Is I'm the only one
Eeyore on the other hand is a somber donkey. Oh everything bad happens to this donkey as even his tail is held on by a button. Gloom and doom, and he is known for saying in the saddest tone “Thanks for noticin’ me”. His energy is vibrating pretty low and the outlook is bleak to status quo at best. He is the antithesis of personal empowerment. Eeyore has very little expectations from his friends and therefore wherever there is an occasion where his friends gather around his to help him, his thoughts of receiving the worst are dismissed and he has a feeling of being grateful to them. Eeyore’s biggest problem is when his tail falls off and that happens frequently (he has lost it many times).
Although always sad, he has very cute endearing qualities. So there is alot of compassion inside him. This is shown when Eeyore is able to grow a plant which Rabbit, a much respected gardener is unable to grow. Eeyore achieves this by giving the plant some of his love. His most famous quotes included:-
- Thanks for noticing me
- If it is a good morning
- It’s not much of a tail
- Most likely lose it again
- Days, weeks, months, who knows
- It works. Didn’t expect it to
We all go through times in our lives when we become Eeyore. With anxiety we spend our time and energy fruitlessly by worrying about things we have no control over, things that are not real, etc… The thing to notice is that it’s kind of self-perpetuating. The more you believe nothing good will ever happen and it’s all gloom and doom – the more you will attract those things into your life. You need to switch your focus and be grateful. Grateful that there is nothing really wrong with you. Grateful for having another day on this earth. Grateful for all the people and things in your life.
Our thoughts are one of the few things truly within our control. Even if it is challenging to completely control what comes to mind, we can certainly learn to control the thoughts that stay in our minds, the thoughts we focus on, dwell on. Thoughts create world paradigms, impact our energies, and drive our actions. Even if you had a bit of Eeyore in you in the past, the past need not be the future and your tendency does not have to be your destiny. Even if a negative thing is true, does it serve you to focus on it? Even if a negative thing is true, odds are there are many positive things that also are true or could become true about a person or situation and your thoughts and energies may better serve you focused on the solution rather than the problem.
The key to becoming a Tigger
The principles of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy talk about Behavioural Actualisation – i.e. stop sitting around moping and get moving – take action and do stuff to pull yourself OUT of the abyss of gloom. Once you sink into the abyss of doom, it’s hard to get out.
As this youtube video from The NeverEnding Story, once you get stuck in the abyss, it could be deadly…
The Naked Divorce is a great programme for getting over a divorce and pulling yourself out of that doom and gloom.
- It has a structure with a defined beginning, middle and end
- You focus on the end goal
- You have a programme to follow and starting taking actions towards changing your behaviour today
- You have all the support you need
So, it’s up to you. No need to be an Eeyore in the situation you find yourself in. I will paraphrase a line from Morgan Freeman’s character Red in the Shawshank Redemption “Get busy healing, or get busy dying”
Till next time!
Lots of hugs